Does it feel good when you make others comfortable in situations and their choices? Do you feel important when others tell you that you’re a people pleaser? While this may sound like a compliment to you, there are many bad things associated with it than good ones. For one, a people pleaser can overextend themselves and find it tough to set healthy boundaries. Why? Because they are too focused on taking care or impressing others.
The reality is, having this other-focused mindset can make you unknowingly neglect your own needs and wants. You tend to worry about the welfare and comfort of others, but not your own. And what does this lead to? Anxiety, stress, frustration, disappointment, and many others. But fret not because we’re here to help you out! You’ll find below the best ways to stop yourself from always pleasing others.
1. Practice genuine kindness
Sure, there’s nothing wrong with doing a good thing for others. It makes us feel good too. However, if you show kindness with a hidden motive like making others feel better, or it comes with a desire to get approval, it’s most definitely not a genuine act. Be generous or be good only when you mean it. Think about how that act will make you feel and what are your real intentions. Would you feel frustrated if that action is not returned? Or, does it just bring your joy to help others?
2. Develop healthy boundaries
Another crucial step of fighting off people-pleasing is building healthy boundaries, according to experts. In general, healthy boundaries allow you to understand your personal wants and needs, share personal details appropriately, and value your own opinions. It clears off the instance of seeking to please someone else due to fear of rejection, which happens when you have more open or loose boundaries.
As for developing and maintaining healthy boundaries, you need to immerse yourself in self-reflection, be consistent and steady, create frameworks for relationships, and allow for more communication to avoid blurred boundaries. There are five different types of boundaries to note, such as sexual, physical, emotional, financial, and intellectual.
3. Give yourself the right care
Focusing on what you want or need to do can support your journey towards removing people-pleasing behaviors. Engage in things that make you feel good, calm, and refreshed. Get that laser hair removal procedure you’ve always wanted to boost your confidence and have the best time on the beach. Or, get yourself a full day spa treatment and have your nails and hair done for a complete R&R.
These self-care acts cannot only make you feel good about yourself but are simple ways to stop being a people-pleaser. Do things that bring YOU joy. Other simple activities and things you can do are spending time with loved ones, taking a relaxing bath, and practicing mindfulness and gratitude.
4. Stall for time (always!)
We have a habit of saying yes right away when we want to help and please others. This sometimes leaves us feeling overcommitted and responsible. So, the next time you are asked for a favor, take your time to answer. Evaluate things first, then decide if it’s something you want to engage in and what you will feel after saying yes. Decision-making accuracy can be increased if you take a short pause from responding to the request. So, instead of giving your quick yes, try saying something like “Let me get back to you” or “I need to check my schedule first.”
5. Say no when you want to
Living a happy life doesn’t mean saying yes to everything. It’s also about learning when to say no. Responding to others’ requests with nothing but ‘yes’ is an obvious time you value their opinions and feelings more than your own. On the other hand, psychologists reveal that saying ‘no’ is a positive and brave act to value your own time, boost your emotional wellbeing, know what you want, and prioritize yourself.
Saying ‘no’ can protect us from feeling anxious and overwhelmed. Instead, it enables us to reserve our energy and time for things that matter to us. This act isn’t meant to break relationships but to set clear and healthy boundaries from the expectations of others.
Save yourself from being misused or manipulated by standing your ground. Prioritize your needs and wants first over others, particularly those who don’t genuinely care for you as well. Focus your attention on people who provide you with real support and love. Make the changes now and stop being a people pleaser by following our tips here!